Americas Shame

I have now been living in Estonia for almost 5 years. I am proud to have come from America. I love my country because it was my home for so many years. And while America is known as a land of dreams, it is sometimes a land of disgrace. This past week at Virginia Tech University 32 people were murdered in cold blood by a mad man.

I am a news junkie, so as I learned about this I started to watch CNN and then 3 different American news channels late into the night. I was completely obsessed by the story, how, who, what and of course, why, why, why! After observing and absorbing as much info I would like to reflect on a few things about this situation and our life here in Tartu and as part.

1. Depression is a dangerous thing.
This young man was full of depression for years over his life. The details of this are unknown, but its existence is not. I wonder if we take enough time to consider the danger or depression. How it grips so many lives and how often it has affected our lives? I know depression is a major problem here in Estonia. Now, maybe it doesn't result in mass murder, but it does claim lives, which we know because of the high suicide rate. How can we deal with this type of depression, what turns depression into joy and heads off the problems that come from it.

2. Violence doesn't solve problems, it only creates more.
This one is a no-brainer for most Estonians and Europeans, but gets lost somewhere in the Atlantic Ocean. Guns are available everywhere in America. You can buy some in large stores like a Kaubamaja and pay and walk away with one in only a few minutes. I once heard a psychologist say that violence comes out when we have lost capacity to express our emotions through all other forms or communication. This is true; we must take time to express our feelings and emotions in healthy ways. We must create opportunities and environments where this is available. We need also to create healthy ways to work off stress and frustrations. For me, while living in the states, I would head to the golf course and hit some golf balls. I would swing the club and after a few minutes I felt much better, it gave me a healthy, sporty way of clearing my head and work through these strong emotions. Before the violence there was one disturbed student, now there are 32 families grieving, 29 others who were injured and their families deal with this. Thousands of students at VT and then millions of people are grappling with the many questions this causes. The violence causes the ripple affect of this to touch so many lives.

3. Where is God in all this crap?
This is a legitimate and fair question that all people have to ask. Why would God allow something like this happen? Why didn't God cause the guns to jam or someone to see him and stop the whole thing? These are all questions that I have been struggling with. And I don't think God has an answer for this. Not that God is silent, but I think he would say I was there with you all the time. I like God because he is there for us, but he gives us freedom to make choices and live life how we want. So I don't believe God was on vacation, I believe he was they’re reaching out to this young man and desiring to heal his life and depression, but the young man choose not too. As for the victims, where was God? I believe he was there to, but again, God doesn't force himself into our lives, he waits or us to reach for him. In the hard times of life we yearn for a God to grab control of things and comfort us, in the good times, we like a God who is far and was uninvolved allowing us to rest on our accomplishments and achievements, but just as you and I can't be two different people, God can't be either, he is who he is, he works the way we works, but I believe that if we try to see and understand the "real" God, we can begin to see him and understand him each in our own special way.

I hope violence on this level will never happen in Estonia. I pray my little boys will grow up in a world where guns are unnecessary and will never be afraid to go to school or university. I guess I am hoping for a heaven like place, but since I can't have that, I will take second place, The City of Good Thoughts, my home now, Tartu!